Swimming lessons.

I realized a couple of things this morning as I meditated quietly.

First of all, I hear the Otherworld much, much more clearly when I'm in my meditative state. I can hear long sentences and details I've never been able to understand before. That's cool.

Secondly, my angel, Jonathan, is very, very wise.

I went into my meditation today with a question. This is going to sound very strange, but the other night my grandfather actually came to me in spirit, just as I was going into the edges of sleep.

I could feel him there, and I knew it was him. But instead of feeling comforted,

I felt scared.

There was something not light about him. Something shadowed. My grandfather sensed my discomfort, and tried to let me know things were okay. That he had no bad intentions. But I felt so uncomfortable in his presence that he backed off until I felt comfortable.

That was weird.

Mostly I felt uncomfortable because of my recent experience with a being who was not of the Light, shall we say. Not because I thought my grandfather had any bad intentions. But I didn't like that someone I was so close to, had such a loving relationship during his life, wasn't a "good" soul.

Yea, we've got that all mixed up.

So I went into my meditation and eventually, once I could relax inside the tightness that is my body, felt Jonathan's arms around me. Jonathan is my Malach, my messenger/angel/spirit guide/what-have-you. Jonathan feels full of the unbearable lightness of being.

Jonathan sat behind me with his arms around me, in the same position that I love so much with Mountain Boy. I cuddled my angel and sat under the Light of God and wondered.

"Why are souls full of light or shadow?" I asked him inside my head. "Is the Universe like a ladder, and we climb up or down away from the Light?"

I felt Jonathan stir behind me. He played with my hair.

"No," he said. "It's not really like a ladder. Think of the Universe like an ocean. We're all swimming in it."

I pictured myself in the middle of a giant warm, deep ocean with the blue sky above at almost sunset. I felt the last rays of golden light shining down on me as I swam in the pale blue eternity, floating near the surface.

"Some people," Jonathan continued, "are scuba diving below. Some souls feel the need to explore the depths of the ocean, in the darkness."

"Does that make them bad?" I asked.

"Not necessarily," he said. "What you're perceiving, this lightness or darkness or shadowing of the soul, is merely a reflection of how deep in the ocean they're currently swimming. Sometimes people have to swim very, very deep until they've explored that part of the Universe.

"But eventually, everyone comes up for air," Jonathan said.

***

So I got it. I understand that even though some souls, some of US, are shadowed or dark or unbearably light, that doesn't matter so much as our intentions. That's why my grandfather could be so loving, could battle against the Dark for me, and still have a shadow on his soul.

We're not perfect. If we were, we'd be done here. What I always love most about a good story is discovering a character that isn't perfect. That the good guys have their flaws, and by contrast even the villain has redeeming qualities.

Life is like that, too.

So while I had my angel's attention, I asked him another question.

"Um, do you really look like I picture you?" I asked Jonathan. Since I've been a teenager I've pictured him as tall, lanky, blond and tan with fair eyes, an easy grin and a great sense of humor. He's aged a bit as I've aged, so he doesn't look 16 anymore. But pretty much the same.

"Yes and no," he said. "You seem to like how I look, so this is how I appear to you."

"Yea, because you look HOT," I said.

And Jonathan laughed, tickling my aura.

I think angels love being around us for the laughter and joy we bring them.

Shabbat Shalom.

-- Naomi